Monthly Archives: October 2011

Nostalgic 90’s

Posted on by under Comedy

I’m going to start brining in my comedy collaborator for some of this posts.  We like to riff ideas off of each other a lot and they mostly are absurd and I think the world should know about them.  With that being said, I also want to start some re-occurring posts on here so without further ado, here is the first of many…Nostalgic 90’s!

Wishing on a STAR BURSTING with hope

When people ask me the age old question, “Mike what was it like to be a child of the 90s?” I almost immediately want to respond, “Eat Starburst Fruit Twists and you will know.” It is at this point that I remember in horror that Starburst Fruit Twists do not exist anymore. Oh how the children of the 2000s missed a great one. It still pains me to think how this great fruit snack did not stand the test of time.

Some do not understand Starburst Fruit Twists. Just imagine Twizzlers but with a good taste. They had several different flavors like orange, cherry, lemon and watermelon; and unlike Twizzlers, actually tasted like the fruits they claimed to be. Seriously, how long can Twizzlers have a cherry flavor maglie calcio poco prezzo that has no hint of a cherry taste? Am I the only one that notices this? Back for a few beautiful years though I did not worry about these questions because the great alternative that was Starburst Fruit Twists quenched my fruit licorice thirst. Now though, there is nothing to fill the void.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qzh41RzlLEY]

Sometimes I worry about trivial things like will I find love?  But then I snap back into reality and realize that would never come close to filling the hole in my soul left by the lack of Starburst Fruit Twists. Some days I walk by a vending machine thinking the unthinkable. Maybe just maybe they have untouched the machine since 1997 and it still has some really old expired Starburst Fruit Twists. Then I look and see the usual crap choices of Nutter Butters, Cheez Its and Twizzlers, all at least months away from their expiration dates. Its at that point that I look to the sky and wonder what is left to do and why should I even move forward.

Maybe it’s time to call it quits. Maybe I should just tell the youngins that ask me about the 90s, “you will never know just kill yourself.” Still I am a dreamer. Deep down I Vendita nuove magliette calcio a poco prezzo online believe Starburst will re-launch its fruit twists brand. Maybe it will not happen, but I got to believe. It is all I have left.

"May our children forgive us" - Bill Pullman, Independence Day

Yours truly,

Mike Allen

Cooking with the Bros!

Posted on by under Comedy

Cooking with the bros!  A cookbook for the Fraternity Cook, by a Fraternity Cook

Preface:

Hello and welcome to the best cookbook you will read in your life!  This cookbook will prepare you for a life of culinary exception, gratitude from molding young minds, and not to mention all the free beer you can drink.  This avenue of the cooking world will give you the freedom to serve and prepare any recipe you would like to try while giving you the freedom to sit back and serve mac and cheese on an off day (don’t forget the chunks of those awesome dogs, the guys think you’re “titties” for doing that).  So light up the grill and bring out the sixer, you day just got a whole lot more chillaxed.

Roasted Chicken Breast with Rosemary

2 Frozen Chicken Breasts (2 per bro these guys get hungry!)

Rosemary (optional)

First you must defrost the chicken.  Leave them out on a tray over night.  What will most likely happen is that some of the guys will go out for drinks and come back looking for food in the kitchen.  They’ll see the chicken and go nuts and get so excited for dinner the next day that they will kind of help you out.  They like to pour beer and some other ingredients on the chicken that they want it spiced or cooked with.  I’ve seen some crazy things when they do this, some of the guys like putting coffee grinds on their chicken.  It’s weird it looks like an ape just came in and dumped all the coffee on it but to each his own.  Now the next morning when you get there take your rosemary and put it on the chicken.  If I don’t have any I usually just cut up some leaves that are outside on vines growing cheap oakley sunglasses against the house.  The bros don’t mind.  They actually like it when I use Sullivan’s leaves.  He grows them in the closet in his room, they are really good.  He doesn’t want me telling anyone that he has them though, I can understand because they are awesome and everyone would want to eat them.  Once you put them in the oven, crack open a Natty Light (you can find them throughout the house, sometimes they are already open for you!)  You can go up to Sulli’s room and hang out, he’s real cool.  He has an old recliner that his grandma gave him that is so comfortable.  He has these really funny cigarettes that he likes to smoke while he’s playing Madden on Xbox.  He’ll share the cigarette with you sometimes and it makes you really hungry (they must all smoke those cigarettes, that’s why you need to make 2 chicken breasts per bro).  Anyway by the time you’re done watching Sulli “do some major pwnage (?)” the chicken is right about done.  So go down and pull it out of the oven and go send a pledge to tell everyone their dinner is served.  Don’t forget to sauté the onions and mushrooms you got from Sulli too, wait I forgot to say that oakley sunglasses cheap earlier shit, wait…why is everything starting glowwww….Sullivan, I think those funny cigarettes and mushrooms might b-  the walls are so bright…must….lick.

MMMM...Paint